So, to cut to the relevant part of the conversation, it turns out B has a boyfriend.

Damn.

Proceeding with caution was a good idea... just as happy to have found out she wasn't a gf prospect BEFORE I said anything to her about crushing on her.

Right now i am pretty young, still a high school student. Just this school year I had told some of my friends that I was gay. The first was a friend who I considered a sister. We were pretty close since we lived next to each other for three years and knew almost everything about each other.

Here are some songs that I had rewritten the words to to explain and share with everyone about my love for Heath Ledger. If you don't know the song I based a song on, look it up on line to hear the song. Here they are:

The First Time Ever I Saw Heath's Face
(To the tune of The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face by Roberta Flack)
Verse 1:
The first time ever I saw Heath's face,

So here continues the next chapter in liking C...

She likes me. But it's not as simple as the sentence it's stated in.

This is never-ending.

I wrote a while back that my crush for C was done for, but turns out maybe not so much. This is such a messy situation to me, just because I'm pondering my "motives" [so to speak] for liking C; is it just that I'm lonely, is it purely just honest feelings, is she as good as it gets for now? What? Why?

"Whatever it is, bottle it up and sell it to me.... I need a new drug that does what it should" God, I love Emily Haines.

Before I switched to this song [which happens to be my myspace song, hah] I was listening to "Gin Divides Us" by Sybris. [If you've ever heard of that band, high-five]. Sybris is seriously amazing; they have a great sound. I really should look into getting their album.

I basically told C I liked her last night. Here's how it happened:

Saturday I saw the movie "The Invisible" with Y, C, and Y's boyfriend we'll call P. I disobeyed the law and drove C to the theater so her parents didn't have to do it. Y and P are super anal and drive in their own seperate cars, hah "Ok honey let's go on a date!" "Ok, I'll meet ya there!"

Well, I finally worked up the guts to slick my bangs back with hair gel at school. Way, butch-ness! :D All of my guy friends thought my hair was weird, and my friend Hannah told me that I looked kind of like a Vulcan from Star Trek. Huh?

I'm trying to get over my straight crush, and IT. IS. EFFING. HARD. I've had this gigantic crush on her for years now, ever since fifth grade. I've always had this tiny hope in the back of my mind that she might secretly be gay/bi and not realized it yet, but that small hope has been squashed by the terrible hammer of reality. (Yes, I'm going to stop using weird metaphors now.

When I carpooled home from school with my straight ex-crush today, I couldn't stop staring at her. Argh, I hate her so much! Why did she have to look so good?

For the 23837 time this spring break, I stayed the night at C's beach house.

Any feelings for C are merely weeds. A pure nuisance.
She is straight. Period, no questioning, no nothing. Straight.

Last night, I got home and just felt immensely disappointed.
It was realization that I was behind the line that she was chalking up that said "I AM STRAIGHT, WE ARE JUST FRIENDS."

[Straight crush...I'll go get the kleenex... ='( ]

The way the sun braids galaxies in your hair,
And how your soft construction glows in turn;
The sheepish smiles that float across your face,
Then sing inside your supernova eyes;
The bright impossible burning in your core,
And the possibles that trail your every move—
Your story book reality writes my life.