[More of a story/catharsis than an actual poem with a theme, but if you can find a theme, tell me!]

Black

black—too close to lack
to be a comfortable word.
black like your unchallenged hair,
running in waves and rivulets
across your lonely head.
black as in the night
when i ran into streetlamp shadows
and practiced sonnets with the pebbles,
that knew the words as well as you did.

[Pretty vulgar.]

I Am Not a Fag

i am not a fag.

i am not a tutu-toting,
prada-proffering,
limp-wristed vagina,
looking to get fucked.

i am not a back alley,
bending-over boy,
with a dildo on my key-chain,
a grin on my glossed lips.

or a walking rainbow,
a puddle of sunshine,
looking to brighten your day
and trim your nails and
renovate your house
all at the same time

*Insert Immolation Poem, has been omitted*
- EDIT TO VIEW -

Your shoulder brushes mine as we're walking down the hall... I am in ecstasy.
My mind flies off to some dreamt of world where we embrace.
For one fleeting eternal moment i surrender and fall into your arms, begging to never be free.
If only I could capture this instant, the tenderness in your eyes, the rapture on my face.

Dry Confession

“hate is a rather strong word,”
he says, pulling the mug from his lips,
setting it down with a hollow clatter
on the diner’s cold and freckled table.
the mug sits close to the edge.
if i pound my fist on the table,
like i’ve been planning to do
for all these years,
it would fall.
the words “world’s best dad”
would shatter into

i have already traversed techniques
of bearing witness
to your beautiful womanliness
better. bounce. back
before i become your blessed broken woman
based on bending
each other's hearts
begin. no. back. pause. reflect
on her hand manufacturing birth
to this
quiet. wild. love science
this
confused. creative probing
as we practice collective conversation

Father’s Day, 2008

are you god?
because you are everywhere.
i see you all the time:
puddles and mirrors,
picnic tables
and empty parking lots.

half-empty beer cans
breathe your name down my neck;
hallmark made a day for you.

you’re probably still washing yourself
with my power ranger soap.

The blank white page
conjures fear and terror
and the words comfort.
We have questions
with answers buried
beneath truths
contained in the black.
It engulfs and enfolds and encloses.
I emerge
unharmed and transformed and hated.

Destroying boundaries
that have been built with sweat and devolution
will result in death.

With the moon on my tongue, I
taste bitterness and rejection.

The shadow of night washed over me
and I realized I had never before looked properly at darkness.
Not with my eyes, in any case.
There is something cleaner in the darkness than in the light;
Something... unstained by the light of day.

The lights of the city, however, broke my conscious dream
as I glanced back towards it and wished it were gone.

Wretched sinners,
give unto me.
For fags are aplenty
and drugs are for free.
The niggers are rising,
the “sheenies, green” fed.
The “chinks” coming over,
the “A-rabs” are dead.
The US is falling
to a moral unwell
Faggots fighting for freedom,
please don't ask, don't tell.
The “Christians” are arguing
divide of church and of state.
My God believes in free will

As I walk by you, I make eye contact.
We start talking.

As I'm about to leave, you do something.
Something that shatters my soul, makes me cringe.

You smile.

At first, I'm happy.
But then it clouds over.

Suddenly, I feel different;
Feel thousands of things at once.

Like Pain.

The pain's cold like ice,
But it burns like flame.

I've slipped in a puddle of emotions,

Mind if I corrupt you?, she said
And my mind switched to black and white
It became night time in a big city full of lights and rain
And she took a drag on her cigarette, then tossed the butt into the gutter
Where the lipstick-stained filter fizzled into darkness.

Not at all, I said
And I mentally adjusted my fedora,
Removing a lighter from my coat pocket

Dive

One tentative step
Cut through the misty fog

The internal battle rages

“Why am I doing this?”
“It’s the only way out.”

I look forward,
See a circle of people.
In the middle, a young girl;
A wheelchair is on the ground near her,
It's been pushed over.
Everyone's screaming at her.
Laughing at her.
No one stops them.
No one cares.
She's trying hard to keep back her tears.
Then, someone speaks to me,
Tells me to join in.
I know that if I refuse they'll hurt me, too.
So I join their game.

If I knew how to be you
I wouldn't need to be me

If you knew how I wish I was you
You wouldn't need to be you

If you would tell me what chases away your beautiful smile
I wouldn't need to wonder

If I could tell you what is wrong here
You wouldn't need to wonder

If you would tell me that you loved me
and I could tell you that I think about you
and everyone else didn't care