Yay! I went on this camping trip with my class (all girls) as like an end of the school year thing and on the last night i told them all. I finally decided that i knew my sexual orientation (after like forever of questioning myself) thats why I wanted come out and also because my whole class got really close to each other over the trip so i thought it was the right time.
We were sitting around this camp fire and i just said "guys I have something to tell you all" and everyone got pretty quiet but still kind of talking. then i said "im bisexual" and like everyone was totally quiet. i told them that i like guys and girls but mainly girls. and i told them that i wasnt a freaky perv who watchs them change in the locker room and stuff. and they all gave me hugs and said that it doesnt change what they feel about me at all except they feel closer. one of the girls said that if any one had a problem with me being bi than the entire class would stand up to them for me. I was soooo happy and felt very free to be out.

But then, like a week after we got home, one of my friends who isnt in my class tells me that some people who i didnt tell about being bi knew about it MONTHS before i came out. So one of my so-called friends must have spilled my biggest secret before i was ready for anyone knowing. and those people who they told apparently have been making fun of me behind my back, which is stupid and dumb. and they call me "the lesbian girl".

and now that im out, people make jokes. they think its ok just to use my sexual orientation to make someone laugh.

and also, when this guy asked out my best friend, we were at a party and the only place that was private was the bathroom, so me and my friend went in there to talk. we talked about the guy asking her out and then when we came out of the bathroom the guy looked really mad and went in the bathroom and slammed the door really hard. i think he thought i was like... stealing his girl or something. so.. great.

I thought it would be better being out. I'm not sure if it is.

i'm listening to That Time by regina spektor. it makes me sad cause this girl i love played it for me one day and now i always think of her when i hear it. actually it doesn't take much to get me thinking about her. some days i can't wait till i get out of school for the summer and dont have to see her 5 days a week, and maybe stop hurting everytime she smiles at someone else. then i remember how much I'll miss her. so summer is good and bad.
I wish my town wasn't so small. there is only two high schools and there is no Gay-Straight Alliance clubs or support groups or anything. I found out that this guy that i know (whose like 10 years older than me) is bi (the only LGBT person that i know), and i wanted to talk to him but then i found out that hes stalking his ex-girlfriend and is being really creepy, so i think he wouldn't be a good person so talk to. i don't really know what to do, because i wish i had some one to talk to, i mean straight friends are great, but they only understand a little bit. i feel so lonely sometimes.
my mom bought me a rainbow necklace two days ago. I wear it alot. I guess rainbows are a symbol for tolerance, expecially tolerance for LGBT people. and thats what i told my mom and her giving me a rainbow necklace i think meant that she accepts me. she used to look for ways for me to be straight or at least bisexual and i kept saying no, i'm just a lesbian and thats it. and so I think she is finally saying that shes ok with me not liking guys in that way.