... when something stupidly gay comes up. My dad is tottaly gonna disown me when I come out, even if it is bisexual. I feel like it's just so stupid. He dosn't believe in gay marriage, and all those people that may get their marriage annuled. I'm so pissed.

On the up side, I've told like four people I'm bi since the last time I wrote. Big step for me.

And this girl I have a crush on, she has a girlfriend. :(

And life is amazing!

MSNBC or someone had these cute gay cards Hallmark is printing. Arn't they adorable?

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/26328361/?GT1=43001

Everytime I get in girly mode, it seems to scare me more and more about how I want to be with another girl/woman. I may only be 16, but I feel genuine feelings. I keep getting the images of soft girls and our hands clasped together, gentle kissing and touching to insanity. I just, I dunno. I'm scared. If I wasn't looking at guys and thinking of them 30% of the time, I would have to say I would be a lesbian. I'm so scared and I don't know why. I've known I liked girls for years now. Why do I always feel like it's a new feeling everytime it gets ignited in my brain? Why?

My mom, watched me, in a homade porn video. She watched the whole thing. I made it with a point and shoot cam, and it was just me.

My parents, are so mad.

I am so confused.

I hate life.

Save
Me
Please
And
Thank You

I'm proud of myself. :D

I feel so relieved.

First family member to know! Yey me!

That I quite had a liking of girls. I dunno if he'll get that's what I'm hinting at though. I'm kinda scared? relieved? I dunno. I just wanted him to know. It's been bugging me feeling so trapped.

See, I always doubt myself when I think someone is gay, or bisexual. Like I have a best friend I think is, and I think she's ignoring it. And then this girl, because when she looks at me, it's like I see a flash of something. Yet again, another girl, who randomly never mentions guys, always beeps in my mind. I just wish there was someway to test if these people are. It's bugging me. so yeah, I was reading new journals and saw a couple people had their gaydar confirmed, and congrats by the way. I was just hoping someone had advice or randomness to share.