I hate high school with every bone of my body. I have very few friends and the ones I did have were older and have thus graduated and moved on to bigger and better things, leaving me alone.

I'm a senior now, which is good because I'll be doing the leaving and next year I'll be gone gone gone. The mantra in my head is not so much a sentence or a word but an image: me, at college, surrounded by friends and walking between classes and having intellectual discussions and falling in love and my god, I know nothing can live up to my daydreams, but it's getting me through right now, and at this point I half expect to hate it anyways--college, I mean--simply because I've built it up so much.

But even that doesn't matter, because as of right now I have no where to go. I had a list, and I've visited two on the list--and hated both of them. So I'm madly scrambling to find more schools, more settings for my idealistic, ridiculous day dreams. I want a gay friendly school, a liberal school, a school with amazing academics. I don't think places like that actually exist. I don't think any place I can run to will fix my problems in one wave of a pretty, collegiate wand.

But that doesn't stop the day dreams.