She knows I am in love with her and she still wants to be with my friend. She acts as if everything is normal. She smiles at me and lets me hug her and when I tell her I love her, she tells me loves me back.

All of this leads to me to believe she does not know how miserably and overwhelmingly I am in love with her. I keep trying to tell her and she is still so okay with it. The other night I dreamed about her and we were just dancing and I was so amazed at my luck that I was dancing with the girl of my dreams...

I wrote a couple of days ago and said that I was thinking about telling my boyfriend I am gay. I want to tell him in person because I know it will hurt him that I want to end things with him for the second time in two weeks, but then I talk to him and he just loves me so much and I can't.. I can't imagine doing it. I just can't. But I need to. I can't love her as much as I love her and not be gay. I can't have tried to fall in love with him as much as I did and not be at least partially gay.

He loves me so much.

I love her so much.