Monday, July 07, 2008, 9:09 PM

Gosh I feel kind of let down again. I don’t know why. I’ve had a good day; I think I’m just bored.

I slept well, and got enough sleep at that. I got a call around nine o'clock from work asking if I could and on top of that I’d be done by the time I told Good friend #2 and them that I’d be over. So I went to work and had an ok time and then went to Good friend #2s and had a good time as well.

I was finally able to get pictures of me and Good friend #2, ones I’ve been meaning to take since before my dad died. I wanted to get good pictures and I did. I got one of Good friend #2 and me with Sugar (Good friend #2’s dog) I got one of just Good friend #2, and one of just me then finally I got one of me and Good friend #2 close together. I remember it so well.

We took pictures in front of these purple flowers growing up one of those things meant to be grown up on. We were close enough that we were touching sides and I put my arm around him like I have done to Good friend #1 before in pictures of us close up. The difference this time around is that I am on more equal grounds with Good friend #2 than I am with Good friend #1. I’m guessing that’s why Good friend #2 also put his arm around me. It was kinda different, feeling his arm go around me. I’ve never been touched by a friend in a friendly gesture like that, especially from a guy and it was completely new to me. It caught me so by surprise that I forgot to turn the camera on an pressed the button before I realized it! Even more interestingly is the fact that Good friend #2 put his arm around my waist, not over my shoulder like I did him. Naturally you can’t see it in the picture but you can tell that we must have had our arms around each other due to the proximity of ourselves in the picture.

*deep slow breath* It felt sooo increadibly good to have his arm go around me. And the surprise of it going where it did only added to the sensation. I know I didn’t imagine it, I remember the feeling. Slow but sure as his arm lightly and positively placed itself around my waist. I had to take a couple of pictures to make sure we got just the right one and we separated each time, but every time I went to take the picture again sure enough his arm went back to where it was, just as mine did.

I know he’s not gay, we’ve talked about it off an on on a couple of occasions and I’m not saying that he’s throwing me for a loop but GOD I love it when I can get close enough like that with my friends. I don’t want to love love either of them but it feels so good to get those moments of close connective acceptance ya know? In the picture Good friend #2 and me both look so serious, but in a good way. I’ll cherish it and the memory of it for a long time. It honestly makes me wish I could just cuddle up with him right now, not even in a sexual way, just a close close friend way. Just to be near an close to him, feeling and knowing his acceptance. It would be so grand.

Anyway that’s been today. I’ll talk at ya all later.